Sunday, February 05, 2006

...The Mortellaro Affair......

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...One Man's Opinion On
The Mortellaro Affair...
...or Strike 3... Budd Hopkins Strikes Out...

by Alfred Lehmberg


The only thing that kept ~me~ going with regard to Dr. Mortellaro—and his "perceived abduction"—for as long as I did was Dr. Mortellaro himself.  I believed the "man."  He was that sincerely convincing...
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When his personal credibility finally evaporated; however, so did any faith in his awkward and unlikely tale.  ...Almost too late as it turned out.  We were bouncing down the runway for takeoff!
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His story, now and in retrospect—and in the opinion of this writer—seems baldly contrived, patently juvenile, and stealthily appropriated.  I'm astonished I was ever taken in.  I'm more than a little ashamed, actually.
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In my embarrassed defense (and to neutralize glowing recommendations I've written for him over the last couple of years, extant in cyberspace) the Doctor (?) was only ever given credence, by me at any rate, out of the idiosyncratic credit I feel he had painstakingly assembled with me during my ongoing, and too late recognized for what it was... advantage taking manipulation. I now believe I was well and truly duped.  Such will be the scope of this expressed opinion.
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I wanted to believe Dr. Mortellaro, because I was cloyingly *engineered* to believe Dr. Mortellaro.  I believed the "man," such as he portrayed himself.
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In light of circumstances, occurrences, evolved realizations, collected documents of saved E-mail, ...and hindsight... that belief has evaporated, completely.  ...Completely.
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A practiced adept, in my opinion, at telling the listener exactly what the listener wanted to hear, Dr. Mortellaro worked his comfortingly cloying psychological magic for me, among others, I feel.  As time went on, this seemed to become more and more obvious.  He was flattering, accommodating, externally validating, and self-deprecating... a "great guy", at the start—the kind of friend you thought saw you the way you wished you could see yourself...
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No, in my opinion it was ever a mask of cold and duplicitous calculation.
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Early on, and from the beginning, Dr. M. was very careful to hit all the appropriate (...and inappropriate, come to think of it!) "friendship" buttons with me, display all the qualifying identifiers of empathy and compassion for me, highlighting his toleration of discursive politics and liberal humanism to me, swear oaths of passionate fidelity at me... and spin for me a comforting web of perceived reality that encouraged a return to him of all those things, plus (!), from me.  See how that works?
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A grown man, combat pilot, and college graduate, I bought into Dr. Mortellaro for the proverbial hook, line, and sinker.  The entire experience is a recognized personal regret, now, in a life with few regrets—a tree producing, sadly, only regrettable fruit.  Moreover, and in my very considered estimation, it was all an axe-grinding charade, fiction, and fantasy to facilitate a non-admitted goal of sanguine self-promotion for Mortellaro.
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All of the insouciant and duplicitous stroking alluded to above was necessary for me to swallow extremely unlikely (...totally ~unacceptable~ if not buttressed by strange lights in my own sky!)
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 ...Tales of men in black, shadowy harassment by government agents, inexplicable bugging of his home by persons unknown, frequent abductions by alien beings... ...meetings with Bob Dylan, friendships with legendary science fiction writers, a hypnotically recalled introduction to his own "star children," and his "brave" struggle with "mean-spirited boss-alien-preying-mantis-beings" that tortured him, spitefully (!), and made him have forced reproductive relations with discomfiting persons... This was the unlikely little construction spun out.  It truly dazzled!
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That's the report!  Incredulous stuff... and I bought it!  Christ, but I feel, in the 20/20 hindsight, like such a patent fool.
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Thing is... all of this, *weird stuff*, was happening to this "great guy" with a heart of *gold*, a kind and gentle little guy seemingly generous as the day is long, brave as a New York fireman, and smart as two and a half guys with Doctorate degrees (of which he had two ...or two and a half!).  Well, no, no, and resoundingly no.
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In my defense, and in my opinion, no one of this "caliber", "depth of feeling", "personal integrity", and "reputation" could be saying the stuff he was saying, making these stupefyingly incredible claims... unless he was crazy... or it was really happening to him, I reasoned. I believed, as anyone can... the *big* lie...
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...And there seemed to be a whole medical community willing to stand behind him with regard to his general sanity and to the high-strangeness of his physical claims...  Well, no, as it turns out.
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Like some others, many of them significantly smarter, more experienced and more educated than I (Budd Hopkins among them), I bought in.  It was easy to do... he was a "great" guy...  after all ...and his... feces... ...~seemed~ consolidated?
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Heavy freakin' sigh...
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Moreover, he was being "maligned", "persecuted," "discounted," and "marginalized"... well nigh "destroyed" by significant elements in the ufological community for reasons which were even outlined to me at the time, but which I rationalized away (to my present chagrin) as "sour grapes" of a "missed opportunity"... on -their- part!  Hindsight indicates the only thing these "Malicious Mortellaro Maligners" were actually guilty of was not wanting to dance to the good Doctor's dictating tune (!) ...and wanting to focus more on what was "occurring" over who it was occurring "to "... and how "valiant" that person was in his "brave" struggle with it!  The preceding sentence is a ~key~ concept, reader, verily.  
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As it turned out, all the warnings, I believe, and I mean all the warnings, were spot on!  Doctor Mortellaro never wanted teammates (in my opinion) in a "righteous group struggle against the unknown" (indeed, he demonstrated no concept of teamwork); he wanted loyal employees, ladies and gentlemen, employees not concerned with, and unfettered by, the bothersome requirement of a paycheck... ...to help validate his wretched and humiliating fiction.
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Things were tolerable only as long as the tune skipped to... was the doctor's; if not he became "ill," was crippled with chronic pain "that never left" him, required painkillers, emergency room visits (once because our disloyalty made him drink too much), and bed rest...
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A normal person wanted to do something to alleviate that "pain and CRUSHING responsibility [he] endured...".  Going along with him... helped him.
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~I~ felt good supporting a "brave soldier" in the ufological struggle...
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The reader begins to see, perhaps, the pitiable and chronic "neediness" of all this.  His 'neediness' was the well worked lever in the "Mortellaro support mechanism."  I was facilitating the will of a mewling and self-involved social infant, I'd came to discover.
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Our group/association was exciting and cutting-edge, at first.  I felt like we were standing on the threshold of some *larger* reality!  We were a small band of intrepid players, a team of brave boys and girls... respected equals exploring inner and outer space (...isn't that pathetic forgetting how sincere I thought it was?).  It seemed that our efforts, our loyalties, and our fidelities were going to be (albeit needlessly!) rewarded with some new kind of knowledge, extraterrestrial actuality, or ufological revelation (piquing me since I was a kid, frankly), that we could all share in...
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It was not to be.  ...Not, in my opinion, with the good Doctor, anyway.
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I had blithely entered, in my opinion, into the Cult of Mortellaro. A cult, seemingly, every bit as paranoiac as other cults—with distrusted "unbelievers" and "enemies" behind every tree, a cloying mal-intellectual two-color totalitarianism, regular "prayer" meetings in the form of daily one on one or conference phone conversations with the "Doctor," incessant E-mails... and an ongoing diatribe of corrosive hatred for "that which was not" pro-"Jim Mortellaro" or "total support" for same!
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When I think of the venom (now attributed to...~me~ ironically! LOL!) that was spewed at others in my presence while I was in his "trusted" association, the litigious acts of revenge that he would contemplate against persons who disputed his claims, laughed at his assertions, or questioned his motivations... I'm discomfortingly reminded that he is very likely, now, doing the same for me.  How unrestrictedly and tragically pathetic... forgetting how discomfiting and personally threatening it truly was!
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Many times he regaled me with tales of reports to his local authorities regarding the suspected criminal behaviors of his detractors, detailing to me their "alleged" criminal activities... Then there was the unceasing name-calling, well-poisoning, and hate-mongering that went on and on and on... without surcease... All this began to take its toll on an increasingly strained relationship, forgetting that that "hatred" had made its way 'round to me...
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Coupled with his increasingly unappreciative appropriation of skills he didn't have, opportunities not presented to him, and labor he couldn't accomplish on his own (I mean he couldn't do anything but "talk," really...) he used me (and others) to shamelessly prosecute, in my opinion, his shallow agenda of bald, featureless, and totally unwarranted self-promotion.
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I began to get "cold feet" regarding a continued association given the direction we seemed to be taking. I asserted my concerns by withdrawing (a couple of times) from the AlienView Group List I could no longer contribute competently to... because of the Doctor's senseless moderation... and by withdrawing from participation in the radio program because creative and philosophical disagreements with the Doctor made it impossible to be in the same bleeding "room" with him!
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Oh, the hue and cry, the sturm and drang, the swearing oaths, and the impassioned proclamations of betrayal... he'd "always expected" from me!  I stood firm.  I began asking why.  I wanted him to validate himself... I requested that he qualify himself.  I expected him to justify himself.
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I demanded that he find a way to contribute equal effort to the team, which to that point was flatly non-existent.  Initially (...strategically?) , he folded, and opted, I thought, for more fairness and openness in the interest of our substantive and very rewarding mutual association... no.
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Astonishingly, I found out, and innocently too, that he had stealthily been working for a consensus with other group members exploring my removal from the association... Talk about blindsiding, and that "Business made it necessary..."  What.  Business?  We were explorers!
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...You see, as angry as I ever got with him or as aggravated as I ever felt with him... as disappointed as I was ever to become with him... as disgusted as I became with the suppurating reality of his true politics, outlook, worldview, and agenda... it never occurred to me to try to oust him our group.
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You could have knocked me over with the proverbial  feather that he'd consider that with me!  Things were dicey, by that point, sure... but we were friends, damn it, brothers of the "ufological fray..." and he was a person that I'd already gone the distance for!  In ardent spades... patient reader!
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If he told me once, he told me a thousand times, "I owe you forever, Al," he said that to me and in front of others...  "Forever", apparently, had a "shelf-life" or "best if used by..." date...
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Made abruptly conscious with the knowledge of that transparent, completely unexpected, and very personal betrayal, I began to identify other significant flaws in our association.  If he was less than forthcoming with regard to simple loyalty, or with key details of the shadowy business plans involving all of us, or with his inability to appropriately subordinate himself to group goals (over self-involved goals) ... if he provoked concern he nurtured over intentions regarding other group members... what ~else~ might he be less than forthcoming about...?
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He manifested such a twisted morass of bile, hatred, loathing, and corrosive envy... in my opinion... continuing on with the program as it stood was approaching impossibility.  It occurred to me that if we took one more step on the path as was outlined, trusting people were going to be roped into jumping through Mortellaro's senseless hoops like abused third-worlders, "AlienViews" was going to be put on freaking cigarette lighters, and a significant disservice (in the form of a distorted cant) was going to be done to aggregate ufology!  It seemed like people might get hurt, too...
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Meanwhile the rest of us would be so wrapped up in guilt and assumed responsibility that escape would be a lot more difficult, if not impossible!  I put my foot down and began indicating that some "rethinking" of our charter was made necessary.  Essentially, I pulled the throttles back as we were lurching down the runway for takeoff, below minimums...
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Why didn't I, finally, just bail altogether... right there?
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...We were doing magic, folks...
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We were (I thought) a synergistic bunch with a thrilling ability to complement one another!  I thought we were more than the sum of our parts!
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We were talking to key people and asking them questions they'd never been asked before... we were recording history, and making it to a degree!  It was Nirvana, while it was working, when everything was in balance... ...before our organizational dynamic was blithely trifled with by the Doctor...  ...It was heaven.  We (I?) felt like we were DOING something, eh?
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If I said it once to Dr. Mortellaro I said it a thousand times (because it came up a thousand times...!), "Jim, stop trying to filter me, moderate me, edit me, lead me, channel me, direct me, ...or control me."  I was quite clear in that regard.  There was no need for it in the first place, and our association didn't start with that understanding in the second... Still, I was senselessly and needlessly moderated more on (and off) the "AlienViews" board (a board where I was a principal!) than any other list, blog, newsgroup, or bulletin-board with which I've been associated.  Real irony, all by itself, forgetting that it was he demonstrating the need for moderation in numerous episodes of the, in my opinion, thoughtless and insulting mal-intellectual hip-shooting he practiced, clearly pointed out to him by other group principals and myself.  One such occurred when he was admonished by a named guest on the AlienViews II internet radio program taping for referring to Arabs as "rag-heads".
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The named guest may recall the episode, and good for him for calling attention to it, spot on, and demonstrating ethical consistency regardless whatever one may feel on the subject of Arabs.  Dr. Mortellaro, oddly, given his education and alleged experience, was provincial and naive with regard to this and many other human relations subjects, in my opinion, and in the unsolicited opinion of the other Group principals, also.  As I recall, I covered for him... out of the reflex of my manipulated programming... on that occasion, too!  Another small regret.  
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The preceding was just one public example of the verbal gaffs that were uttered to list members and guests that were found insensitive, insulting, angering, humiliating, and without empathy, aspect, or intelligence.  Numerous times I was required to post, like I might have for a retarded older brother, "what the Doctor really meant was...," in an effort to pull his thoughtless fat out of the resultant and frequent fire.  I carried him for months... in my opinion.
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Moving on, Dr. Mortellaro, in the aggregate, contributed his very *dodgy* claims and the interest in him that they provoked, only.  Oh, plus one other thing...
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Dr. Mortellaro's not unpleasant baritone was the "voice" of AlienViews internet radio.  Rationally, and as a sensible result of his alleged experience, "Letters," and "personable" manner, he was made the "titular" head, the "honorary" front man, of the now defunct "AlienViews Group."  A tragic act, as it turned out!
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The stipulation "titular" was altogether lost on the good Doctor (despite vociferous reminders by myself and others that this was so!).  It went right to his head.
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Dr. Mortellero, was not a leader by any means.  As a senior officer in military training schools where I trained whole corps of  "leaders", and taught the basics of competent and efficacious leadership... my opinion here might have some extra weight.  I know leaders or leadership and have many leaders as friends.  The doctor was no "leader."
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It is understatement to say that his behavior during the period was the cause of MUCH consternation in the group.  Moreover, it destroyed our synergistic group dynamic.
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Mortellaro saw himself as the star of the show (we joked about it!)... soon he was escalating his completely imagined supervisory capacity, deciding choices, formulating "secret" business plans, giving thoughtless instructions, making pointless decisions, publishing futile marching orders, and criticizing web site and show production infrastructure like he knew what he was doing or talked about.
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He, decidedly, absolutely, and assuredly, did not.  Dr. Mortellaro, though (one finds), was not one to let any lack of competence stop him or slow him down in any way.
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I'd mentioned that he was the voice of "AlienViews"... and he was, forgetting that he should have left it right there, and didn't...  All he was, patient reader, was the voice, and an introductory one, only, at that; it became clear.  In as much as the entire AlienView group was, as seen by the Doctor, a vehicle for his own self-interest and self-promotion, it's ironic that he didn't contribute anything to show research or even focus on the on-air guest as would be expected, but rather used any conversational opportunity to steer the conversation back on the subject of himself, pointing out (embarrassingly, derailingly, and boringly) where what was being talked about could be viewed as how it applied to him and his experience... so as to remain the center of the attention he craved.
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He didn't listen to the guests, at all, during the interview (just awaited another opportunity to pontificate?)... as was evidenced by his frequently asking a question of the guest that had just been asked and laboriously answered.  Indeed it seemed he had no respect for the guest outside the value of the guest as a mechanism for his own self-promotion (as evidenced by him flushing the toilet in his home "studio" or playing with his dog, on the air...).  On one occasion during a show that he had to do "on the road" he was striking up conversations with passers-by on the street while the guest was... talking if you can believe it!
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Sincerely, most of Dr. Mortellaro must have ended up on the cutting room floor.  I have 26 hours of RealAudio files (that will likely never see the light of day) where the good doctor can be heard doing just what I've described!  Astonishingly, I thought it was eccentric and even endearing at the time (!), when what it really was, in hindsight, was oblivious self-interest, utter un-professionalism, and clueless incompetence... in my considered opinion.
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Towards the end of our association Dr. Mortellaro made to quite clear that he was more willing to pursue his own agenda of unstated self-involved goals and fail, rather than subordinate himself, appropriately I add, to the stated (decidedly loftier, less corporate, and more "theme" centered) goals of the group (what we'd gleefully started with...) and succeed.
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I spoke up for an end to reflex (and unsupported!) hatred of other persons in the ufological community and a return to our balanced earlier association, a retreat from the business oriented model of Dr. Mortellaro's nearly hijacked AlienViews Group effort, and a wider view of the group in general, requiring Dr. Mortellaro's removal as even titular "head."
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Dr. Mortellaro, like any emotional juvenile, requiring too much supervision, moderation, direction, and external motivation for a man over 60... hit the vaulted ceiling!
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Frankly—by this time—he was no longer trusted to do the right thing on line and on the list, was incapable of responding to constructive criticism (...late for virtually every group meeting he ever called), and could not consistently follow the path agreed to in the group.  He would dictate insentient policy, legislate unthinking, unnecessary, and unenforceable rules, proclaim silly, mawkish, and embarrassing "press releases" or initiate senseless polls.  I could easily have sent a note home to his parents... "Jimmy has delusions of grandeur, and does not work or play well with others."
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I'd mentioned that the Doctor was incapable of accepting criticism... positive or negative.  He "didn't understand", "didn't get it..." and preferred to console himself with personal fables that he was being "picked on"... that he was being persecuted by "enemies" that he thought had been his "friends"... that this writer "was incapable of taking orders from a boss", ...and that he "~was~" AlienViews...".
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These were all un-clever and convenient observations given that it was friendly criticism, he chose not to acknowledge it.  I was a career Army officer well documented as to be able to take or give competent orders, and he was not, and had never been, competent to be my "boss", nor had I ever signed on for same!  He never, even at the start, had earned that trust and confidence.  That he "was" Alien Views..." just demonstrates how far off the actual beam he was—hints at his unjustified, and suspicion provoking, megalomania... in my opinion.
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By July of 2003, the doctor was overdrawn at my idiosyncratic bank.  I'd had quite enough.
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Moreover, in as much as the evolving details of Dr. Mortellaro's aggregate abduction claims seemed (in my opinion) to actualize only after the details of it had already surfaced elsewhere in the community, that he was a coattail moocher and flagrant appropriator of opportunities not his own from UFO UpDates through Jeff Rense to WorldWideRenaissance and beyond... That no hard evidence has ever surfaced with regard to Doctor Mortellaro that didn't have a fishy provenance existing anywhere... but with something that he could have brought about on his own...
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...This includes groin injuries (soldiers shoot themselves in the foot to go home), forged documents possibly indicating same, possibly seeded car parts at the "abduction site" to be found later... a witness willing to sign an affidavit that the doctor was sucked up into a mother-ship in a silent blue beam... the guileless validation by abduction researchers impressed by the wealth of evidence suggested that associates a lettered professional person with law enforcement, police records, 911 calls, the interest of a prestigious New York medical community performing a study of the abduction phenomenon...?  We could go on and on...
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These are the smoke and mirrors, it could be interpreted, of a potential fraud!
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Could it be argued that there is too ~much~ corroborating evidence, and all of it too damned pat?  Yes, frankly.
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In as much as the good Doctor has made it clear beyond all doubt that he intended to profit as a result of the prosecution of his claims (and assuming fraud for the purposes of argument?), an ethical line, if ~not~ a criminal one, could conceivably be breached...  I wanted no part of ~that~.
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Be that as it may... considering hindsight, singular provenance, one man's observation of the Doctor in action, and his observed, in my opinion, easy betrayal and crass and calculating manipulations of his "friends"... I find myself unwilling to keep the faith that was required to continue to validate, or support, his tangled claims.  Doctor Mortellaro, a living imposition and much like a human prion (in my opinion) -- hijacking the machinery of healthy cells adjacent to him into reproducing his bile spewing, hate driven, and baldly self-involved DNA... is not supported by me.
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So, why does Mortellaro need to be taken down on this issue, in my opinion?  Why can't we just live and let live?  ...Let sleeping dogs lie...?  ...Call it a wash...?
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Dr. Mortellaro positions himself to be a major player on the ufological scene, and ~my~ perception is that ~that~ positioning is afforded only by a ham-handed duplicity (consciously or unconsciously) woven by a person educated in the art of putting the *right* spin on "the product for SALE," bluntly! Dr. Mortellaro is that product, in my opinion.
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Thinking he understood the "target audience" or "customer base" (the principals of the ufological community and so then the whole ufological community) he's packaged himself, gaudily (if ~not~ that successfully), as its newest poster-boy.  The impression that he tries to generate and convey is that he has an earned Doctorate in the sciences, is the focus of demonstrable occurrences of the highly strange, has the respectful attention of world class abduction researchers, is in regular contact with and frequently (...and oh so *bravely*...) struggles with aliens unquestionably ~evil~ in design, intent, and orientation.
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Moreover, (as long as it suits his ego-driven purposes and self-involved agenda) he is a virtual fountain of abduction empathy and doting compassion... the calm, smooth-talking ufological father you never had... who has "been there," and "done that" ... a "heroic pinnacle" in our, mainstream maligned, paranormal movement...  Right.
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Steaming monkey paffle, patient reader.  Don't buy the smallest part of it.
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His doctorate has the narrow scope of a predatory 19th Century "business major", with all the scorn, distrust, and provoked disgust that can be heaped on that discounted and invalidated ethic.  Dangerous Provinciality has a name and its name is "business major...".  The Doctor's claim that he is the focus of the highly strange, with all its attendant evidences, police involvements, medical audit trails, sworn affidavits, and radio appearances still has the provenance of that high strangeness coming from himself, only.  It seems to be evolving and becoming more detailed over time, and finally breaks the credulity of ~this~ once close supporter!
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The respectful attention of world class researchers is countered by their innocent acceptance in taking the good doctor at his word regarding his own testimony and recollections... given a seeming mass of corroborating evidence actually too good to be true, in my opinion.  His brave struggles with "evil mantis-beings" are, for my money, self-congratulatory celebrations of a personality that's yet to advance much past the science fictions of the 1950's... spun up to play in the 21st century!  His empathy and compassion (like the empathy and compassion of other right-wing extremists) are mere glad-handing and soft-soaping... ornamentation used to defray suspicion of his motives and give the "mark" the comfortable warm and fuzzies facilitating ease of control, it seems to me.  This man is no hero, in my estimation, he's a dead-ended path, a needless ufological detour, or an invisible hurdle cum snare on same.  It is very unlikely that he has "been there," and even more unlikely that he's "done that..." That's my read, at any rate...
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Could I be wrong about Dr. Mortellaro?  Of course!  My opinion, sir or madam, that a manipulative corporate "turn-around guy" with a nose for product enhancement and the minimal sense to flesh out an audit trail... might be just the person able to convincingly fabricate a first-rate hoax... shouldn't raise anyone's hackles (...even the good *doctor's*!!!) -that- much.  It's just "business"... right.
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What does he expect?  I'm just one opinion, after all.  Mortellaro might still be genuine... Water, by report, has been turned into wine, at least once, in the last 2000 years!  Anything is possible, however unlikely... improbable, doubtful, implausible, dubious, dodgy, or suspect.
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UFOs are real.  Alien Abduction is another un-admitted reality... my confidence in the actuality of these things remains unshaken.  My faith (and faith was required) in the good doctor has suffered a decisive hull-breach; however, and it's important to me to go on the public record, now, and make it clear that I (who once provided ~complete~ support) shall no longer be counted as one who believes Dr. Mortellaro, at all.
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I decidedly, absolutely, and most definitely, do not.  Please allow ~this~ correction to the record.




Thursday, February 02, 2006

Skep-toad ABCs



Italicized Poetic Commentary by Alfred Lehmberg
  
is Ad hominem, attacks quite insulting, They may feel good but no good is resulting. 
  • The irony is that his lead admonition is what he would practice with gross imprecision.  His is the insult he seems to decry.  It's facile and weak and at core?  A prat's lie.

B is for Bible, they swear it’s all true,
But so do the Muslims, and Buddhists, and Jews.
 
  • …And what does Plait offer for spiritual needs, forgetting religion's presumptive disease?  The false God of Science then worshiped the same?  Dismissal of Plato!  Begins there the blame!

C is Creation, 6000 years past;
But when looked at the evidence is always half-assed.
 
  • Here is impertinence "beyond all belief"!  Plait would pretend he was off of his knees.  Plait would imply that he had better answers where science was worshiped as _the_ default master.  But how can that be where adherents propound on that which is outside their thinking, I've found.

D is Debunker, it’s said with a jeer.
But we cannot debunk without bunk, that is clear.
 
  • ...Also, at once and abundantly clear, is the fact that Plait's clueless, uninformed, and in fear.  Jeering is earned where the homework's not done.  "Debunkers" bring "knives to a gun-fight," old son! 

EEVP, hearing voices of dead,
but it’s really just patterns of sound you are fed.
 
  • This indeed sucks, then, as bad as it blows.  "There's more than is dreamt," proud Horatio!

FThe Face that’s on Mars is really a butte,
Is there on the obverse a giant patoot?
 
  • Such "wit" we are shown… if ignoring the facts of a strangeness to Mars in the questions unasked.  The "face that's on Mars" shows mysterious features.  These go ignored with a "Plait" as the teacher.

G is for Geller, a spoon he will bend,
Is it magic or powers, or more likely pretend?
 
  • Or, perhaps it's a "fourth thing" of which Plait's not thought.  The mind is unknown and a Gordian knot!  Suggested are powers inherent in scope, implying it's likely that Plait's the big dope.  Secrets withstanding on what is not known show Plait's a might short for Alexandrian thrones.

HHomeopathy, infinite dilution,
Perhaps better known as persistent delusion.
 
  • Now, it's true I can't know... but when given the record, which is spotty and bogus and phony and checkered, I am so moved as to give it a try... if Plait takes the time to bemoan it and cry!

IIdeomotor, the dowser’s director,
It fallaciously points on a randomized vector.
 
  • ...But then it is likely that Plait just "defames."  I'm betting he parrots what others just "claim."  

J is Junk science, it’s always reforming,
from alt med to New Age, and anti-global warming.
 
  • The apples and oranges he's trotted out here?  Profoundly devoid of the "sense" he'd hold dear.  See, what has been "junk" is redeemed as a "treasure"!  That happens more often than thought, by my measure.

K is for Karma, you reap what you sow,
but if it’s not coincidence, then how would you know?
 
  • A reach exceeds grasp, or what's heaven for?  Karma suggests there is "consequence," more: living as if there was "karma" extant?  We'd live better lives and be free of Plait's cant!

L’s Levitation, they claim that they float
but I think it’s just bouncing they’re trying to promote.
 
  • Such a Cartesian!  Such a reductionist!   "It's flatly impossible!"  Our Plait's an obstructionist.  I don't propose, then, these "take to the sky," but if Plait says "they can't," then I bet they do fly!

M: Mayans said: doom in Twenty Oh Twelve,
In 2013 those predictions we’ll shelve.
 
  • The Mayan's don't say that and only predict on the end of an age, as if Plait had some wit.  This is example of Plait's dodgy tripe... as smelly as herring, and lo!  ...Just as ripe!

N is Nibiru, a planet of vapor,
It never shows up but it looks good on paper.
 
  • Poor Doctor Plait, with it all figured out... as brilliant as God, but a God with a pout!

O: Oxygen water, marks can’t get their fill,
What they don’t understand is that they don’t have gills.
 
  • There is much, I'd presume that's beyond understanding, and Plait would presume what's "beyond" hasno standing.  Though, he's a few decades of Occam, well flogged, and for all of his pride?  He is lost in that fog.

P: Faces in patterns is called Pareidolia,
In clouds it’s mundane but in pastry it’s holier?
 
  • Seeing Christ in "breakfast cakes" is proof Plait's science fails its case!  See, with its sneer, and seldom forthright, science then occludes its birthright!  Arrogant and sans inspection, Science co-opts said inspection, pronouncing what it does not know like Holy Grail!  Really!  Whoa!

Q is for Quacks, their science is lacking,
They’ll sell you snake oil with the government’s backing.
 
  • Yeah... Quacks like Reich and K. McCully or Tesla, Clark, or Rife, by golly!  These are men and women, friend —who go beyond Plait's rhymed pretence— to show a system minus bravery which Plait supports... for all its knavery!  

R: Repressed memories, bad things you’ve forgotten,
But it’s really the premise behind it that’s rotten.
 
  • ...Another thing not understood where Plait pretends he's got the goods!  Before proclaiming what it's not... he might discover "what" is "what"!  Though, he won't have a clue on this... on this, et al, he is remiss.

S: Sylvia Browne, who randomly guesses,
That people believe her is why it depresses.
 
  • What's depressing is an arrogance when leavened by insouciance.  Plait has got his ax to grind, that facet of his "perfect" mind.

T’s for Trudeau, and the trash that he’s sellin’,
But credit card fraud? FTC: "He’s a felon."
 
  • ...A felon I, of needs, decry!  ...But you want fraud?  Then CSI!

U, Unidentified, the definition’s specific,
But it doesn’t stop cranks thinking they’re scientific.
 
  • Now ain't that sweet!  At least he tried!  He's mocking what confounds our skies!  But science loses points with this.  See?  UFOs?  They do exist!

V is Vaccines, which clear germs up quick,
But some folks don’t like them, they fight little pricks.
 
  • Uh-huh... one one-hundredth of our kids... are ravaged by disease!  Autists!  Now, what is in these medications... providing for such infestation?

W’s for Woo-woo, Randi’s favorite word choice,
And who’ll argue with him? He gave us our voice!
 
  • Woo-woo is as woo-woo does and Randi wears some specious gloves.  If he's Plait's voice, Plait sings off key.  If he's Plait's voice, Plait courts disease.

Xis for Xenu, scientologist’s Satan,
Give us all of your money, your engrams we’ll straighten.
 
  • He can write what he wants on the L. Ronner's scam; Plait's just a purveyor of CSICOPian spam!

Yis for Yeti, the Bigfoot, Sasquatch,
A whole lot of nonsense without a single hair swatch.
 
  • Yet, Dr. Jane Goodall is intrigued by him still... a named anthropologist; this is Plait's bitter pill? 

Z is for Zetans, those E.T. mind readers,
But they disappeared as they followed the Lieder.
 
  • ...And these are the ilk as sucked up in that vacuum... produced by a science that shan't make its case; a science which proffers its status as "arbiter," but sans small regard for the Science at stake 
  • Plait's "ABCs" would profess only ignorance.  Bereft of researches implied but notmade, he disserves a science he'd wield as cudgel... to make up for errantry hastily made. 
  • Forget that Doc Plait's an impacted curmudgeon bereft of an open, inquiring mind; forget he disserves reductionist science defining to nothing enigma we find.  
  • Too, forgive the preceding, but know this for fact: a poem's far more than he'd use it for, Jack! 
  • So now in conclusion, to go to the bone: As one shows his ass?  So his ass shall be shown!