I guess I'm not a "good news guy" to most of you on square! Though that's my aspiration, so the irony's still there. And, yes, there's real irony given truth that I would share is the "self-indulgent" poetry I compose because... I DARE!
I'm rolled up tight and in your eye if you are unrepentant; if you are proud or arrogant — an "ignorance transcendent." If you would use but science, and just 2% of that, then find me charging up your nose and saber slashing scat.
...I've got flaws and peccadilloes same as anyone who breathes, but I'm at heart a Boy-scout, though I'm way up off my knees! See, I can't stomach little men who hear without an *ear*... who are wrapped up in themselves —too much— or ruled by what they've feared.
These are dead before me like they never even were, if well beneath concerned contempt one feels for an alley cur! Yes, kicked at when they raise their heads, or round-housed with a rake, some slights cannot be tolerated where egregious crime's at stake.
Too, I'll cleave from that which I think false, be it creed or God or man, and cleave to sensibilities seeming higher... understand? I'll eschew the "business man" condoning tricks and traps; he's known for what he really is... a prick in heaps and stacks!
...Corporate greed is killing us, destroying all we know, and I have felt its fingers as they've closed around my throat! They are gain for *sake* of gain, all power and control, and they don't hear, I think, the bells that, for them, peal and toll! They are so last century, and embrace a sordid past! They are loath to loose those reins which keep us at our bogus tasks!
Labeled a "believer," I'm discarded to the fringe. I'm banished to the realms of the psychotic and unhinged. Though, I have said before, my friend, that "I do NOT believe"! "Belief" is NOT my problem, folks! From belief I have reprieve!
Belief is not the issue! It won't complicate my need! I heed a "fact's" complicity I've extracted like a seed! I don't believe duplicities and the issue of those breeds... Like...I don't believe in Gods men made to cater to their needs! ...And needs of a *minority* I hastily would add, who practice cloaked perversities content and safe and glad!
See, I don't believe in preachers who would speak in tongues of guile while they robbed the fearful hapless of their money, grace, and style! I won't believe a clergy who would prey upon our kids. Perversion's been the stock and trade of... psychotic invalids!
I don't believe in Presidents appointed by a court... because his sibling cum Governor can provide corrupt support... I don't believe in agencies without an oversight which operate without regard to "decency" and "right."
I don't believe security is found in errant secrecy... and I don't believe a wrong can make a right — that's pure indecency! See, I don't believe "best practice" is in any way conserved if it comes as a result as what we know is not well served!
...I can't believe the journalist as "talking pretty head," a mere mouth piece for complacencies the mainstream spoons instead, and I can't believe Republicans who shan't pay down a debt they've encouraged by the rules they've made to suit the corporate set!
I can't believe the smaller men who condone a narrow view, so hobbled by false paradigms they've lost their sense for truth. These generate consensus to facilitate their ends, to whatever weak agenda they've contrived but won't contend.
For these putrescent pleasures we have done egregious things. The wage we're paid is terror and the dread that it shall bring!
Because they are befuddled with the way they think things are, because they are insentient and cannot see their star, because they have but disrespect for any but their own, well, one lost himself a "Paradise" he once could call his home...
Too, this is why I can't conceive a person so malformed... he must toady up to rich men with his honor rent and torn, and beg for fickle favor without sickness in his gut, and then parrot propaganda that just keeps us in "the rut..."
Rather we were built to soar and cleave... even strike the face of God... of needs, if he practiced an offence, or used us in unjust pretense!
You are what you make yourselves! We stand or fall alone, ourselves! Freedom and our self-respect is all we hope to own I bet!
Now some would say that's not good news! "We tempt God's hand!” These cry, confused! Still, I maintain we're "self-aware" and that's the message better shared!
We would make the things we need from models we ourselves decreed! *Gods* have kept our nose to stones while "priest/kings" know we're NOT alone, and not of passion for our gain but for themselves, and at our pain!
I sense somehow a better way than what's contrived their price we pay. Sad, we are better served in doubt... than what our status quo's about.
It was once broadcasted (SDI #255, 8/30/03) that I lost credibility in the very educational if ironic Mortellaro affair of years past. Continued consideration shows that I can still reject that observation handily, with all humility, and in total finality... if in respect for the broadcaster, Dave Furlotte.
To my mind, and in my estimation, I should have only gained credibility with the interested as a result of my experience with a presumed psychopath and certainly exposed charlatan. I can't allow it to be thought that I agree with the off-putting assessment as broadcast lo these many years ago. Forgetting the seeming lack of necessity and so questionable value of a predicted if tedious self-defense, here's why at five disparate levels:
In the first place I showed some courage of conviction to swim against the tide in defense of a perceived truth and even (arguably) bit the hand that had been feeding me (so to speak) since 1996 in the ethical pursuit of that perceived truth. We both stated regret at the time. ...Glad that's behind me.
Still, I demonstrated that the truth (such as it is, was, and shall be) has more value for me than the comfort and exposure of belonging to convenient venues even increasing in relevance and popularity, as SDI was and is. I would be compelled to do the right thing (as perceived), first. Recent significant others could bear this out, I'm afraid. All respect is there, too.
In the second, I explored that *truth* pursued under the microscope of a consistent philosophy of some stability. As I've written, that philosophy assigns more value to tested faith than the untested variety even as Aristotle is benched for a more multifaceted player, Plato! Plato understood that Chaos is the mother of any Cartesian reductionist's order and it is inappropriate to forsake one for the other... immoral even. Neither Yin nor Yang, reader, it's the edge between them defines us, all and one.
I made a written record regarding the substance of those evaluations (and experiences) to substantiate that *truth*. At the end of the evaluation I let the chips fall where they fell. They fell decidedly foul for me. It was, in my opinion, a foulness of wasted time and other regrets. That's the way it rolled. Heavy sigh, eh?
Still, I stayed true to a philosophy expressed consistently since 1996. I'd wager that few —who know me at all— are remotely surprised at the actions I took in defense of a perceived truth. Then and now, reader, at my peril with regard to significant others, too.
On the third, I have demonstrated that I can admit error —even when not under duress to do so— as the ongoing evaluation indicates it. Consequently, the aforementioned consistency was maintained.
I've always counseled that the admission of an error is, still, a step up (philosophically), so I could do no less given my clear error here. I don't perceive it "stretch" that this fact, alone, is worth the price of my re-admission to a modicum of trust if it is lacking. I'm not afraid to make a mistake. I'll make more. I'll own up to those, too. ...An effort will be made, of course, to keep these to a minimum.
Of the fourth, given the same real time circumstances? I would do all the same things I did —say the things I said— over again because it was in accordance with what my non-conflicted beliefs were, at the time. I can make no apology for sincerity, earnestness, and the authenticity of my actions —which remained ethical and above board— only the eventually discovered apparent efficacy of them. Hindsight is 20/10, nes't ce pas?
Regarding a final fifth I would aspire to do the same thing again in the future if similar convictions manifested themselves in my spirit... because I aspire to bravery, conscience, integrity, intelligence, and free thought or expression of same! No reader worth a flying joust at rolling doughnut could expect me, or themselves, to do any less. Capable of shame, I am in no way ashamed of myself. The reader, on reflection, may find little reason, themselves, to be ashamed of me, or to speculate adversely on my credibility.
I think the accuracy of this tedious self-evaluation on the state of my ufological "credibility" can be measured in the guileless attitudes and open-armed behavior of both Mr. Velez and Mr. Knapp upon my return to SDI. These two gentlemen welcomed me back with such warmly uncomplicated and immediate friendliness that even I —who might have expected collegiate behavior from them given my genuine innocence in the turbulent affair— remain astonished by it! Not a hint of I told you so, folks. Not a peep.
If these two of the most inconvenienced (per say) of my *critics* (per say) have little problem with my (aggregate) credibility then perhaps the interested reader should re-evaluate any problem they might have with same. Just writing the report, folks — compelled such and so.
With all respect to Mr. Furlotte, then, who honestly calls them as he sees them and who I'm certain aspires to the same qualities of bravery, conscience, integrity, intelligence, and free thought as I do... in this instance? Well — he's got another "take" coming.
Closing, here is the unheralded reason for account settling in this manner about an occasion where I gladly admit arrears. I would sing the praises for tirelessly credible UFO researchers and other contributors of significance: Feschino, Friedman, Hastings, Dolan... and Dave Furlotte among significant others, but of that ilk. I would not provide for that service to them if I was unwilling to first qualify myself as stronger and more credible exactly because I have endured the attentions of psychopaths and charlatans, eh? These didn't "kill" me, and I am stronger.